Today I went to the Northwest Division Athletics Competition with the Grade 4, 5 and 6 students at my school. It was a track meet for the schools in our division to decide who will go to the National Competition. I brought my inner camp counselor today. I walked with (brought with me) poster board, markers, face paint, snacks and plenty of cheers. The setting was gorgeous- a field right on the Caribbean Sea in a village about 10 miles north of Salisbury.* I'll try to put up pictures this weekend.
I had a wonderful time, especially as we were the only school cheering. My favorite moment was after we all prayed together (every meeting, school day, meal and class begins with a prayer here) the kids were sent to run a warm up lap. It took a minute to begin because they all bent down to take off their shoes. Most of the children performed all of the track and field events barefoot. I laughed at our culture when I thought about those glove running shoes and how people take classes to learn how to run barefoot.
I want to share with you some of my observations and thoughts on love, marriage and family life in Dominica. The easiest description of the differences in “love” was when I was talking to my host mom and the Pastor we teach with. The Pastor asked me if I “love” the young man I’ve been dating (about 3 weeks after we started dating), I had a look of panic and replied that I “really like him”. The Pastor stared at me in a confused manner for a moment before my host mother explained that, “Americans don’t love like Dominicans, they ‘really like’.”
The structure of romantic relationships here are very different as well. It is quite common for a couple to have children together, buy a home together, and be together for 10+ years before getting married. A couple I know, who have a 16-year-old son and an 11-year-old son, who are active members of the Catholic Church, are celebrating their 10th Wedding Anniversary and 20th Anniversary as a couple next week. One of the American stereotypes here is that we “love getting married”, that we get married quickly and often before we’ve actually started a life with someone.
This post was inspired because I read a description online that claimed Dominica has predominantly single-mother families with absentee fathers and no family structure. That is entirely untrue. Dominica has an incredibly unique situation. Some families are constructed exactly like a traditional nuclear family in the US with a mother, father and children. But often children are raised in a single parent household however they are not raised by a single parent. You’ll see children living with their mothers but because their fathers live in the same community they have strong relationships with their fathers. Even when a child was conceived in an extramarital affair his/her father is actively involved in the child’s life. It creates a fascinating web in such a small community of siblings through the mother who live in the same home, siblings through the father who don’t live together and siblings who are not biologically related but their parents are in a relationship. My favorite family web is the two brothers, Fred and Mike*, who have the same mother. Fred’s sister (through his father) is Marie. Mike’s brother is Greg (through his father). Greg and Marie are now married. Sometimes the family tree reminds me of the song, “I’m My Own Grandpa.”
*Please note that we are NOT discussing the Bills loss this week.
**Names have been changed- the real names are much more Dominican.
Dominican Phrase Book: How to describe your relationship:
“Loving”- In a relationship with, ex. “She’s loving that black partna in Layou.”
“My man”/”My woman”- Your boyfriend/girlfriend
“Going behind”- Chasing after a woman, ex. “He’s going behind that big girl with the butt.”
“Make a break on”- Having someone else set you up with a person, ex. “Make a break on your nice friend for me”, translation “Tell your white friend that I like her”
“Fanm de wa”- Woman on the outside, ex. “His wife must know his fanm de wa.”
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